One Of Those Days.

You know you’re having one of those days when you find yourself walking through the rain and it’s not even rain but a fine, irritating misting. Like a thumb pressed hard over a drink -tap by your dickhead friend who isn’t really your friend but you kind of feel sorry for him because he’s a dickhead and no-one likes him, so you feel like you should hang out with him out of some weird sense of obliguilt, but you find yourself question this on a daily basis because he does dickhead-ish things hold his thumb over a drink-tap as you go to take a drink and you get a fine misting…like the rain outside.

But, Tom, it’s just the weather. Get over it. NO SHUT UP! I AM MAKING A POINT…SORT OF.

You know you’re having one of those days when you find yourself walking through the rain sans some form of rain protection, even though you had received a warning to take an umbrella with you because it’s raining out, and as you walk down the street in the rain everyone around you  is walking like an idiot and when you look at them all you can think of is the animals they resemble. Like that woman who looks like a bird and who walks like she has no were important to be but that she knows everyone else around her does.

Basically you know you’re having one of those days when you get insulted by spam. Not the tinned variety. The Internet variety (previously mentioned here). Yes, after grumbling my way down the street, I sat down at my computer to discover that I had 18 spam comments sitting in my little in-tray. I’m not even sure that that’s a thing. And I’m pretty sure that they were so blatantly spam that my computer shouldn’t have even asked for my opinion on the matter, but should have just gone right ahead and deleted them. My computer is smarter than me. It’s true.

Most of them were the regular nonsensical mess of bad grammar and almost-poetry, like this: “I’m mad and that’s a fact I found out animals don’t help Animals think they’re pretty smart Shit on the ground, see in the dark”- sarsnivebra.

One of them was weirdly informative about the growth of a human child: “Children’s tooth development begins while the baby is in the womb. Teething usually occurs between the ages of six and nine months. Children usually have their full set of 20 primary teeth (milk teeth, baby teeth or deciduous teeth) by the age of three years. At about the age of six years, the first permanent teeth erupt (push through the gum).”-tietpieteobre.

And then there was this: “You’re the worst author”- some robot dick.

That was it. Just those words and nothing else. No links and no ads. Just an insult. What the fuck spam? Why would you say that? So instead of being a normal person and moving on from the hurtful commentaries one finds in the spam folder, I decided that I would take it personally. Yes I don’t make rational choices, my diet consists mostly of spaghetti and gingerbread men. Clearly not the President. So I sat down and took a deep breath and let the paranoia wash over me like a big blanket made of negativity and crushed dreams. I also realised that I needed to get rid of such a stupid blanket made from such shitty materials.

At least this is the justification I’m giving myself as to why I haven’t continued on with the assignments I should be doing (read that s correctly, that’s a plural) is because spam told me that I suck at writing, and therefore I cannot write anymore. Although I did just write this.

Yeah coherence isn’t my strongest suite today.

Or any day.

Oh well. Grieving time is over. That and the dude who’s cardigan I stole to be used as a veil has returned and is kind of pissed I’ve been wearing it and crying.  So I should probably get down to it. Funnily enough one of those assignments involves critically assessing myself and my creative approach. I feel like I should just submit a certain piece of spam…I mean if I reference it correctly and everything, it still counts right?




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