The camera slowly pans across the room, it is in a state of disarray. The couch lies tipped on it’s side, a small coffee table is in two crumbling halves and the bookshelf, along with it’s contents, leans haphazardly against the fridge. Scorch marks dot the carpet and several large knives jut from the walls-obviously thrown with force. Along the same wall is a dull, red smear that resembles blood. Tufts of hair litter the floor and there are deep gouge marks in the T.V. Something nasty has gone down in this apartment…
The camera sweeps around at the sound of a shotgun being reloaded. There, crouched behind the flipped dining table, is a YOUNG MAN. He’s maybe twenty-one tops and is decked out in facial hair and snorkel mask. He stares at something unseen with bloodshot eyes, a single bleeding cut trickles from his cheek. He brings the shotgun up to his shoulder.
Time to die motherfucker…
He loosens off a shot and there is horrible sound akin to pig dying and a bear farting. He fires another one and the noise stops. He sighs and drops the gun to the floor, eyes closed with relief. Suddenly a growl starts up from across the room. The man’s eyes fling open and he let’s out a scream as something large and furry rushes him…FADE TO CREDITS.
I am a someone of notoriety. That is to say I have something that I am notorious for. It’s nothing major, I’ve never robbed a bank or been arrested for wrestling a bear in public (they were only allegations). I am notorious for never finishing a thing ever. I have started many various hobbies/pursuits with full gusto and bravado only to become distracted by a moth at the last second.
So I have decided rather than fight my natural instinct for procrastination and distraction, I would finally embrace it and try to turn it into something positive (or at the very least productive). So I present to you, the good people of *mumble* a series of interconnected but wholly unrelated thoughts and musings. Basically I’m going to break this blog into five main categories: Life & Times Of, Trivial Pursuits, Creative Catharsis, List-o-mania and Urban Monsters.
Below is a field guide to these categoricals:
Life & Times Of: Anecdotes and Reflections on daily activities, relevance/amusement levels may vary. Best served with a side of white wine and salad. Not to be administered to anyone with glandular problems.
Trivial Pursuits: As an avid trivia participator and pointless fakt absorber I will endeavour to broaden your horizons with some useless information that may just come in handy one day should you ever find yourself in a life -or-death trivia based situation.
Creative Catharsis: Being a would-be writer I may occasionally use this blog for either shameless self-promotion of my own work or as a brainstorming environment for ideas. You know because using your inner most thoughts as a creative process is only made more interesting by sharing that process with the collective interwebs.
List-o-mania: Lists of things. Pretty fucking boring actually.
Urban Monsters: The continuing story of three people living in an apartment trying to deal with an unwanted guest residing in the closet and various other enclosed spaces. (See interlude above)
I give you fair warning now that this is a scattershot assortment of things and nonsense and that your involvement in the following my cause respiratory problems, dizziness, heightened sense of self, sore gums, receding hairlines, erectile dysfunction and spontaneous thumb pregnancy.
So please come along for the ride as I attempt to do this thing…I can’t promise how frequent my postings will be (I shall aim for one or two a week…maybe even more) and leave it at that. Have a wonderful day (and not in a patronising way at all…which only makes it sound even more patronising).